Sytsema Funeral Home, Author at Blog | Sytsema Funeral & Cremation Services

Choosing Music for a Funeral

If it is given some thought, music can say everything about a loved one.

Too often the power of including music as a part of a funeral service is overlooked. There is a lot to think about when planning a funeral so it is easy to see how music can get lost. There are many ways music can be woven into the service. It can be played as people arrive or depart. Music can accompany the presentation of pictures and it can be played at the graveside. Music can have a little tiny part in the service or have a bigger role.

Almost everyone has “their song” or a band they grew up listening to. A surprising number of folks have musical talent. Maybe they played an instrument or sang in the choir. The music that is played at a funeral can help tell the life story. If as a child, you were forced to endure Frank Sinatra on any road trip you took with your parents, why not include a little Sinatra in their funeral service?

When selecting music for a funeral think more about the person who died and the music they listened to, and less about finding appropriate funeral music. The music you select does not need to be about loss, it just needs to remind folks of the person they loved. The music will mean more to those attending the funeral when the link to the person they loved is clear. If that musical talent trickled down to the next generation, ask a grandchild or child to sing or play at some point during the service.

Not sure about what music mom really liked? Check out her records, CD collection, or playlist. You will likely find what you need. Talk to your funeral director, funeral celebrant, or clergy person to help you determine when and where to use music.

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Who Becomes a Funeral Director?

The funeral director is often the son or daughter of a funeral director. They grew up understanding the contribution the job brings to the community. Funeral directors are helpers. It’s more than just being understanding and compassionate. Funeral directors know what to do. They can guide a family that is in disarray due to a sudden loss of a family member. They know exactly where to begin when no one in the family has any idea what to do.

For the funeral directors who did not grow up in the business, they were drawn to the profession by their own memorable experience with loss. Having been comforted and supported by a funeral service themselves, they chose to enter the profession to help others. Funeral directors are helpers.

According to the National Funeral Directors Association, 16% of their member funeral directors are women. You can expect to see that number increase as 61% of current mortuary school students are female. Some suggest the increase in women entering the profession reflects changes taking place in the funeral service itself.

The idea of celebrating the unique life of an individual who has died opens unlimited possibilities. Today’s funeral directors are increasingly involved in coordinating with clergy and a whole host of family members and others to ensure the service reflects the life of the person who died. This planning and developing a personalized service is appealing to many women.

The profession has always taken care of the deceased, lifting that burden from families. Today’s directors still take care of the one who died, but the real emphasis is on helping the survivors begin a healthy grieving process.

Who becomes a funeral director? People who care, people who can lead, people who can mediate, people who are team players, people who quiet chaos. In short, people who help.

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What Does the Embalming Room Look Like?

What happens during the embalming process?

What are the benefits of embalming?

What are the options if I do not want my loved one embalmed?

Embalming takes place in a designated area of the funeral home. This space is off-limits to all but the professional staff members. Similar to a surgical suite in a hospital, the embalming room is built and furnished with hard surfaces, like tile, stainless steel, or concrete. These materials are easily cleaned and nonabsorbent. The embalming room is very clean and is designed and maintained like a medical procedure room.

During the embalming process, the deceased is placed on a hospital-style gurney or embalming table. Throughout the process, the body is treated with the upmost respect and dignity. It is covered except when it is necessary to expose a part in order to complete the procedure. Funeral directors are very aware that the body was home to the spirit of a valued family member, and it is treated accordingly.

During the embalming process the body is cleansed, body fluids are replaced with embalming fluids, features are set, and make up is applied to create a more natural appearance. In some cases, restoration is needed. Restoration is used to “repair” the body when an accident, violence, or disease has caused the body damage. Finally, the body is dressed.

Embalming is an ancient process that goes back to the time before Christ. It has been updated over time to use fewer and less toxic chemicals. It is a form of preserving the body. In America embalming came into regular practice during the civil war. An embalmed body could be preserved and transported back to the soldier’s home so that the family could say their goodbyes. Today, embalming is required by law in some states when the body is going to be transported across state lines. Embalming is required by most funeral homes when a visitation with the body present will be part of the service.

Dying is often very hard on the body. Body mass is lost, pain and suffering make their mark on the facial features. Efforts to keep the dying person alive or comfortable, bruise the body. Embalming provides the benefit of rolling back the clock and giving friends and family an opportunity to say their farewells to someone who looks more like the person they remember. For most people, the final expression they see on a loved one’s face sticks with them and is a lasting memory.

For those who prefer not to embalm, but still have family members who would like to have a private family viewing, other options are available. The family just needs to talk to their funeral director. Refrigeration can be used to slow down decomposition and can be a good alternative when religion or family custom eliminate the option of embalming.

The cost of embalming varies from one part of the country to the next. A family should not eliminate embalming for cost reasons alone. Talk to your funeral director. Always share both your family’s wants and needs as well as your budget with the funeral director. You may be surprised to find out embalming is less expensive than you expected.

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Three Things to Include in Your Funeral Plan

Many people plan their own funeral in advance. They keep their plan on file at the funeral home of their choice so that everyone in their family knows exactly what to do when they die. Others choose a more informal route and just tell their kids what they would like to have done. In either case, there are three things that will need to be covered.

First consideration should be given to the service. Where will your family and friends gather together to share memories, give each other hugs, and accept the reality that you have died? How will the service be organized? A funeral service can be a celebration of life, a religious ceremony, or a combination of both. It can be held entirely at the funeral home or some part may take place at your place of worship or even a private club. The service that you plan and ask your family to carry out should be based not only on your personal preferences but should also be made with the needs of those closest to you in mind. What should be included to honor your life and give comfort to those you loved?

Second a plan must include “final disposition.” What will happen to your body? If you choose to be cremated, where will your cremated remains finally rest? If they are to be kept in an urn by family members, how will that plan play out for generations to come? If your children are happy to keep you inurned on the mantle, will your grandchildren and great grandchildren continue that tradition? There are several options for final disposition for cremated remains. They can be buried, they can be placed in an urn and rest in a columbarium niche, they can be kept by family members or they can be scattered. What is important is the plan include the final step. What happens after cremation? Body burial is a bit more straightforward. One needs only to decide on a cemetery and purchase a burial space.

The third and final step in planning is to determine how your funeral will be paid for and who will be responsible. All three of these steps are easy to work out with the help of an advance funeral planner. Funeral homes all have a person on staff who will help you complete all the necessary steps. The best part? Planning your funeral is a free service and will include a cost estimate and keeping your plan on file at the funeral home. What a great gift for your family!

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Top Three Priorities for Those Who are Grieving

When a person is in the midst of grief, taking care of themselves can get lost in the mayhem. There really are so many things to do. Eating well, exercise, and even sleep just don’t seem that important. The reality is that grief takes a lot of energy. Self-care might just be the most important item on the agenda.

If you know someone who is grieving, feed them. Make it easy. Take them something to eat. The effort of ordering a meal or getting dressed to go out to eat can be overwhelming to a person who is mourning a loss.

If you are grieving, buy a few easy-to-prepare foods. Eggs and soup can be a good start. Don’t overlook the freezer section. Buy an apple. Microwave popcorn is not a meal!

Exercise doesn’t always need to involve weights, running, or even sweat. Just take a walk. Start small. Try ten minutes the first few days and then see if that can be increased each week. Set your sights on a 30 minute walk each day.

The experts tell us we need seven to eight hours of sleep a night. They suggest going to bed at a regular time and getting up at a regular time. Set the alarm and watch those naps. It is tempting to use sleep to avoid those sad feelings. Too much sleep is no better than too little sleep. Try turning down the thermostat at night. Those in the know tell us 65 to 68 degrees is the optimal temp for sleep.

Paying attention to these three basics, eating well, exercise, and sleep will help support a person who is involved in the difficult task of grieving.