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Attending a Lot of Funerals

Funerals are beautiful celebrations of life that allow us to say goodbye to people we loved. But there may come a time when attending a funeral is sadly no longer a rare occurrence. Having to attend many funerals can be overwhelming, instigating feelings of grief for many different loved ones. What can you do to help yourself when attending too many funerals becomes overpowering?

What to Do When You’re Attending Many Funerals

Recognize that you can only do so much.

A funeral can be a celebration for someone who has passed, but it’s also a chance to be there for those who remain. Especially if you were very close to the person who passed, you’d naturally want to do all you can for the people they loved. That desire comes from a good place, but when you’re attending a lot of funerals, you may quickly find yourself overextended. Wanting to help is admirable, but remember that you’re experiencing much grief right now. It’s not easy to lose so many people you love in a short amount of time. Taking care of yourself is essential too.

Consider speaking to someone.

Especially if you’ve reached an age where many of your friends are no longer with you, talking to a mental health professional is vital. You’re experiencing grief, but so many funerals can also trigger some thoughts about your own passing. While talking to your family may be helpful, a mental health professional with experience helping others overcome grief can guide you through the tough questions. Depending on how your loved ones passed, you might also want to work with a professional with particular experience, such as one who works with people whose loved ones passed from advanced age or terminal illness.

Know that it’s okay to decline.

Attending a funeral allows you to pay tribute to someone you loved. But that’s not to say that it’s the only way. When you’re going to many funerals, you may become overwhelmed. You’re grieving too, and losing so many people one after another is heartbreaking. Sometimes, a funeral is too much when you’re already emotionally exhausted. If you find it too difficult to go to another funeral, write a letter of condolence to the remaining family. You may want to explain the situation, but you don’t need to present your emotional state. It’s more important to spend the letter talking about the person you and they are missing. Talk about how much you loved them and what they meant to you. If you’re feeling up to it, you can offer support to the remaining family, but if not, it’s enough to say that you’re sorry for their loss and that their loved one will be greatly missed.

Spend more time with the ones you love.

You may find yourself thinking about your own mortality when you’re attending a lot of funerals. It’s natural to have questions and worries, especially if you’re of an age where it’s hard to know how much time is left. A big part of enjoying the time we have is spending it with those who matter to us. Especially after losing many people very quickly, you should try to remind yourself that you’re still not alone. There are people out there who love you and who you love back. You may feel lonely after losing so many loved ones, but combatting loneliness starts with recognizing that it’s never too late to forge deeper bonds in our lives.

Don’t mask your thoughts.

Losing loved ones, especially many in a short time, can trigger symptoms of anxiety, such as racing thoughts. Many people try to cover their thoughts, searching for distractions. But those distractions only mask the symptom rather than treating the root of the problem. Refusing to recognize your thoughts only makes them fester, which can worsen anxiety. Instead, spend time with your thoughts and learn how to cope with them. Find ways to address your anxious thoughts. Working through a plan with your mental health professional is a good way to combat how you’re feeling properly. Some methods of managing anxious thoughts that may help include taking time every day to write out how you’re feeling, doing deep breathing exercises, or having a daily session of either walking or sitting meditation.

For many of us, once we reach a certain age, we’ll sadly begin attending many funerals. But whether that stage in your life comes tragically early or much later on, you must take care of yourself. Grief is a sneaky emotion. Taking care of your mental health can help prevent it from becoming too overwhelming. Even still, it’s okay to miss people. You’re going to miss talking to them, seeing their smiles, hearing their voice, and all the little things that they brought to the world that made it a brighter place. Nothing takes away the pain of losing them, but working with a mental health professional and continuing to live each day in the best way possible can make the world feel a little less dark without them.

www.sytsemafh.com

Memorial Day

Each year when Memorial Day approaches, American citizens get some mixed messages about what the holiday is really about. For many people, Memorial Day is a day off from school or work where they can engage in a BBQ or spend their first day at the beach of the year. But that’s not really what Memorial Day was created for. So, why do we celebrate Memorial Day? And how can we celebrate it with the origin in mind?

Why Do We Celebrate Memorial Day?

Originally known as Decoration Day, the United States has been observing Memorial Day since the years following the Civil War. By the late 1860s, Americans had begun holding tributes for the countless fallen soldiers of the war. The Civil War claimed more American lives than any conflict in U.S. history and led to the creation of the first national cemeteries. Many Americans began visiting the cemeteries during this unofficial holiday to decorate graves with flowers and recite prayers.

Though the holiday was originally meant to honor the fallen soldiers of the Civil War, it has since grown to commemorate the lives of all military personnel lost in any war. Though the first official Decoration Day was on May 30, 1868, it’s believed that the traditions date back earlier, just on different days. However, once Decoration Day began, many Northern states adopted the custom. By 1890, each Northern state had made it an official holiday. However, Southern states honored the dead on separate days.

The day eventually became known as Memorial Day and continued to be honored on May 30. But in 1968, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act. The act declared Memorial Day a federal holiday, but it changed the date to the last Monday in May to establish a three-day holiday weekend for federal workers.

While many people today consider Memorial Day to be the unofficial start of summer and a day filled with family get-togethers in the newly-emerged summer sun, it’s important to remember it’s more of a day for commemoration than celebration.

How Can You Honor a Fallen Soldier on Memorial Day

1. Fly flags that honor soldiers.

Many Americans choose to fly the American flag on Memorial Day as a symbol of patriotism and to honor those who have fallen. However, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs, there are specific guidelines on how to fly it. You should fly the flag at half-staff from sunrise until noon. Then, it should be swiftly raised to the top of the staff until sunset. You can also choose to fly additional meaningful flags for the U.S. military, such as the POW/MIA flag, a reminder of the missing and imprisoned soldiers of the Vietnam War.

2. Place flowers on a veteran’s grave.

Families often visit cemeteries on Memorial Day to decorate the graves of family members who were veterans. It’s a beautiful way to say thank you to these fallen soldiers. However, if you don’t have a veteran in your own family, you can visit a veterans’ cemetery to decorate other graves. The Department of Veterans Affairs keeps a database of all the veterans’ cemeteries so you can find one near you.

3. Wear red poppies.

World War I took the lives of an estimated 8.5 million soldiers. Across northern France and Flanders, or northern Belgium, clashes between the Allied and Central Powers destroyed the fields and forests, taking countless lives with them of soldiers and civilians alike. But in the spring of 1915, bright red poppies began appearing in the battle-scarred land. Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae used the poppies as inspiration for his poem, “In Flanders Fields,” which was written from the point of view of the fallen soldiers.

The poppy has since gone on to become a symbol of remembrance. It’s not just an American tradition, though. Several countries don the poppy every November 11 to commemorate the 1918 armistice. However, in the U.S., the poppy is more closely associated with Memorial Day. To wear a red poppy in the U.S. is to honor those who have sacrificed their lives in the name of their country.

4. Support a charity for fallen soldiers and their families.

A part of honoring fallen soldiers is recognizing how much they left behind in the service of their country. Those who died protecting their country had families who loved them and now may struggle through their loss. Whether you’re able to donate money or time, Memorial Day is a great day to spend time helping these families. However, it’s worth remembering that these people need help year-round, so try to look out for opportunities throughout the year to donate what you can.

5. Participate in a Memorial Day event.

Many cities and towns throughout the U.S. hold Memorial Day events, such as parades or walks. These events often raise funds for military-based charities, but they’re also an opportunity to shine a light on what Memorial Day is really about. Be on the lookout for events in your area. If you have the ability, get involved with the creation of the event to ensure that it’s befitting of Memorial Day’s history.

6. Pause for the National Moment of Remembrance.

Each year on Memorial Day, there’s a National Moment of Remembrance. Lasting just one minute at 3 p.m., Americans are asked to silently reflect upon their freedoms and the sacrifices that were made to uphold them. You may also listen to “Taps,” which is often played on local radio stations to commemorate the moment.

Memorial Day is a time to reflect and give thanks to the people who gave their lives to ensure your freedoms today. It’s a day to honor lost lives and support the loved ones those soldiers left behind. They all have sacrificed much. It’s important that we do what we can to give back.

www.sytsemafh.com

Funeral Humor – Creating Levity in a Stressful Profession

As a subject, death can often make people uncomfortable. And as a result, that discomfort extends to how people feel about the funeral profession. For many people, the first time that they enter a funeral home is when a loved one passes. Because of this connection, many people associate funeral homes and what’s inside them with morbidity.

So, it can be a bit of a shock to find that funeral directors most often aren’t the caricatures we see in movies and storybooks. They’re not as frightening as one might expect, nor are they creepy, despite the fact that some may find what they do a bit scary. Just like with many professions, working as a funeral director is a multi-faceted role. And, believe it or not, some funeral directors may even try to bring some comedy into their position. Why is it essential to create a little levity as a funeral director? Although not every funeral director attempts to be funny, here are a few reasons why one might.

Why Your Funeral Director May Be Funny

1. Death makes people uncomfortable.

Funeral directors know that, for many people, death is an uncomfortable subject. It’s scary to think about a time when you’re not physically here anymore, and it’s upsetting to remember that there will be a time when your loved ones can’t be with you in person. But funeral directors also know that there’s a way to break through the uncomfortableness of death: humor. It can be disarming to hear a funeral director be funny. And that unexpectedness can give you a little shock to your system. Though you were uncomfortable moments before, your surprised giggles can make you feel more at ease.

Funeral directors are inherently very adaptable people. They strive to provide the form of comfort that you need the most during this stressful time in your life. For some people, being made to laugh is the best way to give them comfort. Although not all funeral directors are naturally funny, they aim to do their best to provide the care that you require.

2. Humor can help you cope with grief.

Laughter does a lot for us, perhaps more than we know. It helps our immune system, combats pain, and boosts our endorphins. And it also helps us when we grieve. Many bereavement groups incorporate humor for this exact reason. One study found that widows and widowers who could laugh and smile about their loved ones experienced less depression and anxiety. Laughter cannot remove the pain of losing a loved one, but it can help us grieve with less severe symptoms.

Grief is complicated. Though we usually experience the strongest symptoms of grief for only a few months after a loss, those feelings often turn into integrated grief. Though integrated grief is easier to live with, it’s also longer-lasting. Grief becomes a part of our lives, which is why it’s essential to continue to find humor. As the study of the widows and widowers shows, finding humor can help both during the initial period of loss and the subsequent years with the overall grieving process. Funeral directors may not be grief counselors, but they strive to help us in any way they can while we mourn the loss of our loved ones. Creating levity through the funeral planning process can be one way to help.

3. Humor can help you cope with stress.

Funeral planning itself can be stressful. Hundreds of decisions must be made. There’s a lot on the planner’s mind about whether or not they’re making the right choices. Would the funeral they planned be the one that their loved one wanted? Those kinds of questions can inch their way into the mind of the planner, causing stress over their decisions. There’s often a feeling of anxiety as a funeral nears. Will everything go right? Although a funeral director and their staff will always do their best to assuage these fears in families who come to them in their time of need, it’s often hard to get their stress to dissipate.

Like grief, humor can do a lot to help stress. Laughing actually activates your stress response. A strong belly laugh increases your blood pressure and heart rate, but only briefly. Once you’ve calmed down again, your heart rate and blood pressure decrease, giving you a calm feeling. Laughing also soothes tension and aids in muscle relaxation, helping to decrease the physical signs of stress. In the long term, laughter improves your ability to cope with difficult situations and overall mood. A funeral director may find ways to incorporate laughter with the goal of relieving some of your funeral planning stress.

4. Funeral directors want to help you continue on with your life.

Funeral directors aren’t afraid of talking about death, but they do know that many people would rather not think about it. And they also know that no one comes to them for funeral planning in a happy mood. When most people plan a funeral, they are doing so with some distress as they’re just beginning to live a life without the person they love. These people are struggling, and the funeral director wants to help them through this new way of life.

A part of helping is telling them that it’s okay to keep living. And a big part of living is finding the humor in life. When you’ve just lost a loved one, you’re likely experiencing acute grief, a period of grieving when your symptoms may prevent you from going about your everyday life. You may find it hard even to smile. It can feel wrong to laugh again when you’ve just lost someone you love. But a funeral director may try to encourage you to laugh again and to let you know it’s okay to find joy in life, even when you’re missing someone you love.

Not all funeral directors are the same. Some funeral directors prefer to remain more serious through the funeral planning process. And that’s okay too. But if you begin working with a funeral director who brings some levity to your situation, you may find that it’s helpful to your stress levels and your grieving process. Funeral directors aren’t the frightening figures of childhood stories, and they certainly don’t want to scare you. Some of them will even try to make you laugh, making a stressful situation a little bit lighter and a little bit easier.

www.sytsemafh.com

Plan It…All the Way Out

The ritual harkening the long-awaited approach of spring is upon us – March Madness.

People of all ages, incomes, and professions will be completing their brackets and winding down to the biggest decisions of all … the final four! Players and coaches have been working hard for months leading up to this finale.

The work and preparation leading up to the end of the college basketball season is not unlike what we all do in our professional lives. Most people work for years in anticipation of the day when they will retire and have the luxury of calling their time their own. The final five working years before retirement are typically the time to get your ducks in a row.

Most people approaching retirement begin to think about maxing their savings in those final years of earning. Many take care of deferred maintenance to the home and some even work on their estate plan. Fewer think about the final duck … their funeral. Planning and funding your funeral during those years is a great time to get it done. Especially if being frugal about this expense is of importance.

Some of the benefits to planning and funding a funeral in advance include:

A payment plan set up while you are still working and earning means the funeral will be completely paid for (at today’s cost) before you retire. That means you won’t need to withdraw from investments to cover this cost in your retirement years.

Most people are in good health as they wind down their working years. That means the total cost of the funeral can be covered should something unexpected happen before the payments are complete.

Funerals, like most things, tend to inflate in cost over time … it’s not going to get cheaper. You can lock down your cost and be done before you retire.

It’s easy to find out everything you need to know about planning and funding a funeral. Just call the funeral home and ask to speak to the individual who takes care of advance funeral planning.

Plan early, live long… and have fun during your March Madness and beyond!

www.sytsemafh.com

What is the difference between a Funeral Director, Mortician, Undertaker, and Embalmer? What do they do? What skills are needed to become a Funeral Director. Who is the Funeral Director?

The terms funeral director, undertaker, and mortician are used interchangeably to describe a professional engaged in the business of funeral rites. Regional tradition dictates which title you hear used most often where you live.

Tasks involved in the performance of funeral rites may include embalming, burial or cremation of the dead, as well as the arrangements for funeral ceremony. Embalming is a separate skill which may require a separate license depending on individual state regulations. Embalming is the art and science of preserving human remains by treating them in order to slow down decomposition. Embalming is usually done to make the deceased suitable for public or private viewing as part of the funeral ceremony.

Licensing requirements for funeral directors, morticians, or undertakers vary from state to state. Most states have educational requirements which include a period of apprenticeship. In some states funeral directors are required to hold both a license for embalming and funeral directing. In other parts of the country the two roles are licensed and performed separately.

Skills that are identified as desirable in a funeral director include a knowledge of science and mathematics. However, the skills that make the top of the list may surprise the reader. They are complex problem solving, followed by having a service orientation, social perceptiveness, good speaking and writing skills and excellent active listening skills. If you take a moment to consider what a funeral director must do to put together a funeral service that meets the expectations of a variety of family members, those skills fall into place. It’s easy to see why the “soft skills” appear at the top of the list for attributes of a successful funeral director.

So, who is the funeral director? According to data USA 69.1% of funeral directors are male. Of morticians, undertakers, & funeral directors, 77.6% are white (non-Hispanic), making that the most common race or ethnicity in the occupation. Representing 10.3% of morticians, undertakers & funeral directors, black (non-Hispanic) is the second most common race or ethnicity in this occupation. However, the face of the funeral director is changing. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, women are the fastest growing group in funeral service. Today, women comprise approximately 57% of mortuary school students. This once male-dominated industry is changing.