Sytsema Funeral Home, Author at Blog | Sytsema Funeral & Cremation Services

Do I Need a “Final Resting Place”?

Let’s face it everyone will have one, a final resting place that is. The questions you should be asking are where is it? Can it be found in the future should a family member want to do so? Is the final resting place protected? Is it hallowed ground? Will the place endure?

Most of us know exactly where our great grandparents are “resting”. It’s in a cemetery somewhere. Even when the grave is half a continent away and we never get there to put flowers on the grave, we know where they are. Will our grandchildren know where we rest?

For those who would like to be buried in a cemetery

Fear not. There are spaces available check with your funeral director for advice about where to look.
Worried about the environment? Again, ask your funeral director about green and greenish burial options.
Concerned about cost? Consider the resale market. Many family’s plans change. Families resell cemetery plots they will not use at a lower cost.

For those who plan to donate their body to science

Know that in most cases the cremated remains will be returned to the family at some point and will require a plan for the final resting place.
Always have a back-up plan just in case the body is not accepted for donation.
Talk to your funeral director about how to put together a memorial service to take place right after death since it may be months or even years before ashes are returned to the family.

For those who will be cremated

Consider your many options carefully. You may want to discuss them with your funeral director. There may be final resting options you are not aware of.
If you plan to scatter ashes, give thought to the location and how family members will be impacted if the golf course is sold and turned into a go-kart track?
Talk to your funeral director about keepsakes such as paperweights that incorporate some of the ashes or jewelry that can hold a small amount of cremated remains.
Be aware that final resting place means it must endure for generations to come. Will your children’s children still want your urn in their home?
Know having a viable plan for the final resting place is the most often overlooked step for those who cremate. Not addressing this issue creates a burden for someone in the family as time passes. Talk to your funeral director.

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Thinking No Funeral? Think Again.

Maybe you’ve said it, or thought it? “I don’t need a funeral. You can just bury me in the backyard”. That’s the male version of negating the need for a funeral. But the sentiment is not unique to men. Women just say it differently. “I don’t want you to make a fuss. I don’t need a funeral.” These folks are right. The person who died doesn’t need a funeral. They just need a legal, respectful disposal of their body. It’s the people who are left to do the work of grieving that need the support and community from a funeral.

Princess Diana, Michael Jackson, Aretha Franklin, John McCain, and most recently Kobe Bryant, didn’t need the memorials, teddy bears, or flowers. We needed them. We need to be a part of acknowledging the loss. We find comfort in being able to be a part of the service that honors their lives even when our part is just being an observer via television. We are comforted, in some measure, just by being able to observe.

It is human nature to seek community in times of trouble and in times of joy. People are pack animals. We don’t live in isolation. We touch the lives of others. We celebrate birth with family and friends. We celebrate the coming together of two people in marriage as a group. We hold each other’s hand in times of tragedy. When we express our caring feelings, it is not weakness. It’s our strength. We are human beings, we care.

Having the opportunity to express our feelings is not expected to “cure” our grief. Coming together does not provide closure. The door never really closes on the love one human being has for another. Coming together, expressing our feelings in the presence of our community, are steps in the healing process. Being able to express our feelings in a safe, accepting environment provides some measure of healing.

Grief in the early days is raw. As time passes it softens. The hard edges become rounded and we begin to find the joy we had with the one we loved in our memories. Grief is hard work. It’s a journey.

Why should anyone have to begin this journey alone?

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Jewish Funeral Traditions

As we begin to learn more about religious practices outside of our own, it is sometimes surprising to find how much different faiths have in common. Mourners of all faiths understand the power of grief and the comfort of community. So, what happens when a person of the Jewish faith dies, and how can a person outside that faith support a friend or neighbor who is grieving?

In order to support a person of the Jewish faith when they have experienced a loss, one must learn about the Kaddish and sitting Shiva. According to Jewish Law anyone who has lost a parent, sibling, child, or spouse recites Kaddish every day beginning with the funeral and continuing for thirty days after the death. The Mourners Kaddish is a prayer, a profession of faith. The prayer is a listing of God’s holy attributes. Jewish law requires that sanctification of God’s name and requires ten voices … a minyan. This requirement of a minyan assures that the mourner is not alone. For thirty days the Mourners Kaddish is recited in the presence of at least ten people. According to Anita Diamant in her book Saying Kaddish… “The power of Kaddish comes, in large measure, from the consolations of being in a group that recognizes and embraces the bereaved”.

The Hebrew word for funeral is Levayah, which means “accompanying”. There is no religious requirement for clergy to be present at a Jewish funeral. The responsibility is on the family. The service does not address the ideas of heaven, redemption or reunion, the focus is on the life of the deceased. The service is simple. Here are no flowers or music, the casket is lowered and all in attendance participate in covering the coffin. Once the casket is lowered the business of caring for the dead is ended. The focus now shifts to mourning and supporting the family in their grief.

Shiva or “sitting Shiva” is a time for the bereaved. Traditionally Shiva lasts for seven days, although in modern times that is sometimes abbreviated to three days. It is a time to “sit” with grief. During Shiva the bereaved do not work or play. No calling into the office, no cooking, no dishes, no television or video games. Shiva is a time to do grief work. It is a time to explore emotions and feelings, to cry and to laugh. It is a time to share memories, tell stories, and receive consolation.

When a Jewish person dies:

Expect the service to take place the day after the death.
The service will be held either at a funeral home or a synagogue/temple
There will never be an open casket
The service will be led by a rabbi
The rabbi may deliver the eulogy or eulogies may be delivered by friends or family
Close friends and family will attend the interment. All who attend the interment will participate in filling the grave.
As the closest members of the family leave the gravesite, they pass between two rows of relatives and friends.
Do telephone or visit the bereaved
Do bring food, to be on the safe side, bring kosher food
Do not send flowers
Do make a contribution to a favorite charity in honor of the deceased
When calling on family members who are sitting Shiva expect to stay for 20 to 30 minutes. The Mourners Kaddish will be recited twice a day, morning and evening. A guest should stand when the mourners stand and read along with the prayer in English
The one-year anniversary of the death is marked with a ceremony, yahrzeit. This ceremony is by invitation only and usually involves a service at the synagogue and “unveiling” of the tombstone at the cemetery.

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What is PTSD?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a newer name for a very old disorder. In the past it has been known as combat fatigue or shell shock. PTSD is not unique to veterans. It is also seen in first responders, those who witness terrorist attacks, or who are victims of weather disasters, rape or almost any act of traumatic violence. Still, high rates of PTSD are associated with veterans of all wars. www.verywellmind.com/rates-of -ptsd-veterans-2797430. It is a significant issue for our veterans and the families who love and support them.

PTSD is a chronic illness. Symptoms (difficulty sleeping, jumpiness, anger, inability to concentrate) can persist for years after the combat experience. For some, it is a burden they bear for the remainder of their life. It can lead to job loss, alcohol abuse, and drug abuse.

However, there are things a person with PTSD can do to help themselves. Go to helpguide.org www.helpguide.org and type in coping with PTSD to find some really good suggestions like “get moving”. Regular exercise is a basic first step. Another suggestion is finding a personal “calming trigger” something the person suffering with PTSD can utilize to relieve panic and anxiety.

If you know or are a person with PTSD reach out for help. If you know or are a person with PTSD who is having suicidal thoughts call 1-800- 273-TALK (8255)

Hard as PTSD is for the veteran, it is equally difficult for the support person (wife, husband, parent, partner, children). It is hard to understand and hard to cope. Many caregivers find they must take on more family responsibilities in addition to trying to be a support system for their family member. The caregiver must also reach out for help.

If you know someone who is caring for a Veteran with PTSD, help them. Cook a dinner, babysit the kids, give them a hug, mow the lawn. Just reach out and help. The best way to show our appreciation for those who serve might just be to take care of the one who takes care of them.

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What Can the Funeral Home Do for a Veteran?

Many who serve in the United States Military make a career of service. Others serve for a brief period and then move on to other careers. Regardless of whether the military is a person’s life work or a part of their life for a brief period, the experience often leaves its mark.

When the time comes to plan a funeral for a veteran it can be difficult for family members to sort out how much to emphasize the military service. Your funeral director is just the person to help.

He or she can suggest ideas that incorporate all the important aspects of one’s life into a single cohesive service plan. The funeral home offers many products that have a military theme. Caskets, vaults, and cremation urns that represent each branch of the service are available to honor a veteran’s service experience.

Pictures and video tributes can be put together that showcase all aspects and stages of life. Music selections may include the familiar songs that identify each branch of the service. All of the military aspects can be integrated with love of family, interests and hobbies, as well as spiritual beliefs that identify the multifaceted person who has died.

The Federal Government provides burial benefits for those who are honorably discharged from any branch of the service. What is provided is dependent upon enlistment status at the time of death and circumstances of the death. Suffice it to say the burial benefit provided by the government will not take care of everything. The funeral director will help a veteran’s family access those benefits available and fill in where needed.