Blog | Sytsema Funeral & Cremation Services

Is Go Fund Me the Best Way to Pay for a Funeral?

Funerals are a way for people to celebrate the lives of their loved ones, but these celebrations often have a price tag that can be very high for the average family. A funeral with a viewing and a burial can cost upwards of $7,000. And when you consider that many families are also attempting to pay off additional expenses, like medical costs, after their loved one passes, they can quickly struggle under the weight of their financial burden. It’s no wonder why so many families turn to GoFundMe to ask for help covering all the costs, but is there a better way to pay for a funeral?

Should you use GoFundMe to pay for a funeral?

When GoFundMe launched in 2010, it changed how everything from novel inventions to wedding ceremonies were funded. It’s likely that at some point in your life, someone you know has used GoFundMe, and maybe you’ve donated through it yourself. GoFundMe has also changed the way that we pay for funeral expenses.

In most cases, a decedent’s family will pay for the funeral and disposition of their loved one. With GoFundMe, more of the burden is relieved from the immediate family. Suddenly, people you didn’t even know your loved one knew are donating through GoFundMe. Students of a teacher they haven’t seen in years want to donate. Coworkers from companies your loved one hasn’t worked at in decades decide to contribute. Neighbors, friends, and even friends of friends want to help in any way that they can. GoFundMe can be a wonderful resource that just goes to show how many lives your loved one has touched throughout their life. But although GoFundMe has proven to be a valuable resource for many families attempting to pay for funerals on their own, the best way to pay for a funeral is to pay into the costs before they happen.

Is there a better way to pay for a funeral?

Although it can be unpleasant to think about a time when you’ll no longer be around, planning for your funeral is a gift to your loved ones. And that includes planning for the expenses that come with a funeral and disposition. Although many people believe that having life insurance is enough, life insurance often doesn’t end up covering the total cost of a funeral, which can lead to your family paying out of pocket for funeral expenses later on. But there are other ways to pay toward your funeral.

One option is to talk to your chosen funeral home about planning and paying for your funeral in advance. When you preplan your funeral, you can decide to pay for your plans in advance. You’ll work with the funeral home to make your arrangements, including what services you want to hold, whether you’d like to be buried or cremated, and what type of casket or urn you’d like. After you decide on all these details, you’ll be able to pay for them through the funeral home.

Funeral homes typically offer a variety of payment plans, including the option to pay for your funeral and disposition in full. By making these payments in advance, you’re saving your family from financial strain later on. When you pay in full, you’re guaranteeing that the funeral you plan is the one that your family will be able to hold for you. There will be no need for a GoFundMe after you pass because you already funded your funeral yourself.

GoFundMe has undoubtedly changed how we fund funerals, but the best way to pay for a funeral is always by planning ahead. As you plan your funeral, talk to your funeral director about your options for prepaying for your funeral and disposition. By paying for your funeral ahead of time, you’ll save your family from surprise expenses down the road. If you’re covering the cost of your funeral now, your family won’t need GoFundMe later.

If you’re looking to cover the costs of a funeral for a loved one who did not preplan or prepay, your funeral home may be able to help. Some funeral homes offer a crowdfunding service that functions similarly to GoFundMe. Before making a GoFundMe account, talk to your funeral home about what kinds of crowdfunding services they offer.

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Three Reasons to Preplan Your Funeral When Your Family Doesn’t Live Close

Reason Number One:

The need to make that first call, the one to the funeral home, nearly always catches people unaware and off guard.

Even when a death is clearly coming it is almost always unexpected. “Mom was 96 but we just talked to her on Sunday, and she was fine. Hospice told us it was just a matter of days, but we just stepped out to the store for a few minutes, and he was gone. She was doing so well, we were surprised.”

When a person dies the first order of business is calling a funeral home to come and take the body into their care. When family doesn’t live close, they may not be familiar with the funeral homes in the area. Which funeral home should be called?

Even with all of today’s wonderful ways to connect it can take hours to track down immediate family members. This one is in a meeting, that one is picking up kids at soccer practice, someone is at the gym and has their phone on silent. It can take a while to reach everyone and get them to weigh in on the decision about which funeral home to call. In the meantime, someone waits.

Reason Number Two:

The people who you love and who love you are going to be very busy just getting there. It’s not a good time to be making the big decisions. Burial or cremation, church or not, celebration of life, which minister, what restaurant, wood casket or metal, visitation the day of service or the night before?

Your far-flung family will be trying to book flights, pack suitcases, arrange for the dog to be taken care of, get someone to fill in for carpool, and get time off work. Their minds will be racing. It’s not a good time to make decisions that they will live with forever. Funeral decisions carry a lot of weight. Everyone wants to get it just right. No one wants to wish they had buried mom in her red dress instead of her blue dress for the rest of their life. Just think how much better it would be IF they just had to get there and meet with the funeral director you selected to review the plans you left for them.

Reason Number Three:

Your family needs time to be together. They need each other. They need to remember the stories, look at the pictures, cry together, and hug one another.

The plan you leave for your children, grandchildren, sisters and brothers, and friends is a gift. You give them the gift of time to lean in and realize that they have lost you. This is precious time they have together. There will still be much for them to do but when you have lifted the weight a little, you leave room for them to work together and be creative. They can pull their talents and put their own touches on the framework of the funeral plan you provided for them.

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Is It Bad Luck to Plan Your Funeral in Advance?

Definitely not. In fact, if one were to ask the children and family members of those who planned their funeral in advance how they felt about their family member’s foresight they would no doubt tell you they felt very lucky indeed.

Imagine this: your phone rings or buzzes or sings and you answer or check your messages only to find out someone you care about has died. Maybe they succumbed to a long and difficult illness or perhaps the death was caused by an accident or a sudden unexpected medical event. What happens next? If you are one of the family decision makers, you begin to come together. That coming together can mean a drive across town or it may involve booking a flight. It can mean a series of telephone calls or a Zoom style family meeting. There will be questions that need to be answered and decisions that must be made.

Where did the death occur? Who do you call to transport the body? Where will the body be taken? Which funeral home will be used? When will a service take place? Will there be burial, cremation or something else? Will there be a spiritual component? Who will prepare the death notice? Who will take care of writing the obituary? How much will everything cost and who will pay? How soon will funds be available? There will be many decisions that must be made in a short period of time.

Now, imagine there is a plan in place. Funeral arrangements have been made and paid for in advance, maybe even years before an illness was even known about. Imagine family members knowing exactly who to call, what will happen, how much it will cost and how all the services will be paid for. Luck is with those who prepare. It’s called making your own luck.

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Moving on (Too) Quickly for Others

What does grief look like? You might be thinking now about the five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But what happens when someone goes out of order, skips a step, or doesn’t go through them at all? Although you may think it’s a sign that something is wrong, the truth is that we all experience grief in different ways. And someone may move through grief faster than someone else.

First things first, forget what you know about grief.

In 1969, in her book On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the Kübler-Ross model, which became known as the five stages of grief. And although we typically associate this model with describing how we grieve someone’s death, that’s not actually what it was made for. It’s meant to give structure to how someone comes to terms with being diagnosed with a terminal illness. The five stages of grief were never about grieving a loved one’s death.

However, other studies have tried to apply the model to grieving a loved one, only to find that it doesn’t really work the way that people believe it does. A 1981 study that looked at individuals who had been widowed for various lengths of time found that the pain and stress of widowhood persisted for years, with no subjects falling into particular stages at certain times, as the five stages of grief suggested they would. A 2002 study took a look at people before and after their spouses’ deaths and found that only 11 percent followed the Kübler-Ross model’s trajectory.

So, if the five stages of grief aren’t scientifically accurate, why do we hold onto this idea that there’s a “right” way to grieve? When a daughter loses a father, is she wrong to go back to work the same week? When a husband loses a wife, is he wrong to be on a dating app by the end of the year? Perhaps yes and perhaps no. But these feelings are personal. And although you may imagine that you’d grieve in a certain way if you lost someone close to you, you cannot know what their grief is like.

What should you do if someone you love is moving on “too” quickly?

One thing that should be considered before you try to intervene when you think someone is moving on very quickly is whether or not they are really moving on at all. In the case of a daughter going back to work, she might not be trying to move on. She might simply be looking for a distraction because being at home is too painful. In which case, be kind and don’t remind her of her loss. Be a friend, let her talk to you about her loss if she wants to, and otherwise be someone she can turn to when she needs to take her mind off grief or funeral planning. Although she may look like she’s moving on quickly on the outside, she might still be grieving, just in a different way from your personal grieving process.

But what about a husband who is looking to remarry soon after losing his spouse? Men are significantly more likely to begin dating after being widowed, and they’re more likely to do it sooner as well. After 25 months following the loss of a spouse, 61 percent of men are in a new relationship, compared to just 19 percent of women. So, do most men then move on too quickly? Regardless of gender, people who remarry after their spouse’s death report lower levels of depression and greater life satisfaction and well-being than those who don’t. But because men are more likely to have fewer friends than women, husbands often rely on their wives as their primary source of emotional and social support. When a wife dies, a husband may suddenly feel cut off from those crucial outlets, which propels him into the dating world sooner than a woman who lost her husband.

Should you intervene if someone you love is looking for love after losing their spouse? If you’re very close, you may consider voicing your concerns, but keep in mind what they gain in their life by remarrying. The thing about moving on is that it’s taking steps to keep living. It doesn’t mean that there’s no grief remaining. A person who loses a spouse needs to learn to live without them, but they still will miss their presence. And if that person remarries, it doesn’t mean that they’re replacing their spouses, nor are they trying to forget their spouse and all the memories they made together. They’re just searching for more fulfillment in their lives, and for many people, that includes learning to love again.

Ultimately, only one person can decide if they’re ready to move on, and that’s the person who lost their loved one. If you think you’re ready to move on in terms of dating again, it’s important to ask yourself if you feel prepared for this new change. Can you let someone else into your life? Can you love your new partner the way they deserve to be loved? If you know wholeheartedly that you can, you’re ready. But no one else can answer those questions but you. And if you’re seeing someone you love move on in a way that you don’t think you could or would, remember that you’re not the one who experienced their grief. Only they know what their grief is like and whether they’re ready to move on. All you can do is be there for them as they try to make this new transition in their life.

www.sytsemafh.com

My Financial Advisor Doesn’t Think it’s a Good Idea to Preplan my Funeral

The butcher, the baker, the candle stick maker. Does anyone go to the butcher for a candle? Would anyone even think of asking the funeral director for investment advice? The financial advisor, while very knowledgeable about money and investments, has little experience in helping a family honor the life of someone they love. Yesterday you could hold the hand of your loved one, today you must figure out how to say good-bye. Tomorrow you will begin the difficult task of living without the one you love. In the midst of all of this you will need to plan and pay for a funeral service. Helping families navigate those difficult days or to plan for this inevitable event is the job of the funeral director.

Accessing the dollars to pay for a funeral is where the financial planner can help. A financial planner who is familiar with a family’s financial resources can help them decide how and when to pay for a funeral. In a perfect world the investor, that’s you, would not die on a day the market was down, or just as his stocks were on the rise. He would die when it is a good time to take the cost of his funeral out of his investments. His heirs would not be burdened with tax consequences. Truth be told, life just does not always work out perfectly. We do not decide when we die.

This is what you can do. Plan the funeral with your funeral director. Talk to her about service options that will help your family cope with your loss. Talk to her about how much you are comfortable spending. Become educated about the advance payment options that are offered through the funeral home.

Ask if you can pay for your funeral in monthly payments over a few years. Ask what happens if you die before you complete all payments. Many funeral homes fund funerals with insurance products designed just to pay for funerals. That can mean the funeral will be paid for by the insurance company should death occur before your payments are completed.

Ask what happens if the cost of your funeral increases between now and when you die. Is there protection available for funeral inflation?

Talk to your spouse. If you die first, who will pay for the funeral? Where will the money come from? Will there be tax consequences? Would it be easier for the one who will be responsible if the funeral plan were funded? Decide what will work best for your family.

Now, go to your financial advisor. Ask him if you should pay for your funeral in one single payment now, or should you take advantage of one of the payment plans? Share all the information you receive from the funeral home. Get financial advice, not permission, from the one who looks through the lens of the dollars, the financial advisor. Get your funeral planning advice from the one who helps families cope with death, the funeral director. Make your decisions for the ones you love, with the ones you love, your family.