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Honoring Military Heroes on Veterans Day

Veterans surround us every day, even if we don’t know it. They could be a grandparent, a coworker, a neighbor, or another person who’s a part of our daily lives. These people missed milestones with their families. They may have missed their child’s first steps. Perhaps they missed their first anniversary with their spouse. And they may have watched some moments that will stay with them forever.

Their sacrifices are why we honor them every Veterans Day. So, how did this holiday come to be? And how can we best say thank you to veterans on this day?

Why Do We Celebrate Veterans Day?

Veterans Day didn’t start out as Veterans Day. Originally, it was called Armistice Day. And although it did honor the military, it was celebrated for a different reason than we celebrate Veterans Day. Armistice Day was held in honor of the end of the fighting in World War I, which occurred at 11 a.m. on November 11, 1918. The belief at the time was that World War I would be “the war to end all wars.” But that was far from the truth.

Though Armistice Day celebrations date back to the 1920s, Congress made it a national holiday in 1938. It would be only a year later that Germany would invade Poland, and World War II would begin. The meaning of Armistice Day changed significantly in the recognition that there were more soldiers to honor than those who fought in World War I.

The first celebration called Veterans Day was started by a World War II veteran named Raymond Weeks in 1947. The event was held on Armistice Day, but it was meant to honor all veterans. In 1954, President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed a bill officially changing Armistice Day to Veterans Day. Although Congress would later try to change the date of Veterans Day to the fourth Monday in October in 1968, it was clear that November 11 remained the true date of Veterans Day in the public’s mind. As a result, the date of the holiday was changed back to November 11 a decade later.

Though Armistice Day honored the soldiers of World War I, Veterans Day, as we celebrate it today, commemorates all veterans for their patriotism and willingness to serve their fellow man. Veterans Day remains a day of reflection upon their service and the sacrifices they made. Veterans Day is often confused with Memorial Day, but Veterans Day is meant to be a day to give support to veterans still with us, while Memorial Day is intended to be for fallen soldiers.

How You Can Honor Veterans on Veterans Day

1. Observe a moment of silence.

In 2016, President Barack Obama signed a law asking Americans to voluntarily pause for two minutes on Veterans Day for a moment of silence. Americans are asked to use this time, which begins at 2:11 p.m. EST, to reflect upon the sacrifices made by veterans to protect and honor America and our freedoms. While this moment of silence is not mandatory, it’s a way to show respect for the veterans among us.

2. Volunteer at a VA hospital or nursing home.

The Department of Veterans Affairs, or the VA, hosts many facilities across the country that provide care to returning veterans, including hospitals and nursing homes. Although these locations need support year-round, Veterans Day is a great time to volunteer because many of these facilities host events in honor of the day. Call your local VA hospital or nursing home to ask how you can help. Even if no events are being held, you can make a veteran’s day by simply spending time with them at these locations.

3. Recognize the veterans around you.

One of the most important things to do on Veterans Day is to recognize the sacrifices of the veterans around you. You have veterans all around you, perhaps even in your own family. Be sure to thank these people for their service, but you can also go a step further and show your thanks through acts of kindness. Maybe your neighbor is a veteran. Give them a token of thanks, such as flowers or baked goods, or invite them over for a meal in their honor. Do what you can to show kindness and support to veterans on Veterans Day.

4. Organize a Care Package Party.

Veterans Day is also about recognizing those who are still serving, who are missing home and the comforts within it. Many organizations ship care packages to soldiers overseas to give them some of these comforts. Get involved with these organizations by rallying some of your friends and family to put together care packages for these troops. If you know someone personally in the military, you may send packages to them for them to distribute to their troop, or you can let one of the care package organizations mail your gifts to other soldiers for you.

5. Raise funds for veteran-related charities.

Donating what you have is a wonderful way of showing support, but you can go further by asking others to donate around you. Try organizing a fundraiser to raise money for veteran-based charities or your local VA office. You will likely need to take several days beyond Veterans Day to put this fundraiser together.

Remember that Veterans Day is a day of recognizing sacrifice. More than the veteran themselves sacrificed to protect this country. Many charities support the other lives that are touched by military duty, such as a spouse who is taking care of the home while their partner is overseas or a child who will miss the holiday season with their parent. Since Veterans Day is close to the winter holidays, you may consider using your Veterans Day fundraiser to acquire gifts to provide to struggling families who won’t see their soldier during the holiday season. Supporting veterans is also about supporting the people they love. So, pick a charity that touches you and provides help to soldiers and those they love alike.

Your community may already have events planned to raise funds for specific groups. If you would rather not create your own fundraiser, contact the organizers and ask how you can get involved. Donating your time is as valuable as donating your other resources.

When we celebrate Veterans Day, we’re saying thank you to those who stood as our protectors. So, be sure to thank a veteran on Veterans Day, and thank those who sacrificed alongside them, like their families. The smallest actions, such as spending time sitting down with a veteran in a nursing home, can mean the most to these heroes.

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Is Go Fund Me the Best Way to Pay for a Funeral?

Funerals are a way for people to celebrate the lives of their loved ones, but these celebrations often have a price tag that can be very high for the average family. A funeral with a viewing and a burial can cost upwards of $7,000. And when you consider that many families are also attempting to pay off additional expenses, like medical costs, after their loved one passes, they can quickly struggle under the weight of their financial burden. It’s no wonder why so many families turn to GoFundMe to ask for help covering all the costs, but is there a better way to pay for a funeral?

Should you use GoFundMe to pay for a funeral?

When GoFundMe launched in 2010, it changed how everything from novel inventions to wedding ceremonies were funded. It’s likely that at some point in your life, someone you know has used GoFundMe, and maybe you’ve donated through it yourself. GoFundMe has also changed the way that we pay for funeral expenses.

In most cases, a decedent’s family will pay for the funeral and disposition of their loved one. With GoFundMe, more of the burden is relieved from the immediate family. Suddenly, people you didn’t even know your loved one knew are donating through GoFundMe. Students of a teacher they haven’t seen in years want to donate. Coworkers from companies your loved one hasn’t worked at in decades decide to contribute. Neighbors, friends, and even friends of friends want to help in any way that they can. GoFundMe can be a wonderful resource that just goes to show how many lives your loved one has touched throughout their life. But although GoFundMe has proven to be a valuable resource for many families attempting to pay for funerals on their own, the best way to pay for a funeral is to pay into the costs before they happen.

Is there a better way to pay for a funeral?

Although it can be unpleasant to think about a time when you’ll no longer be around, planning for your funeral is a gift to your loved ones. And that includes planning for the expenses that come with a funeral and disposition. Although many people believe that having life insurance is enough, life insurance often doesn’t end up covering the total cost of a funeral, which can lead to your family paying out of pocket for funeral expenses later on. But there are other ways to pay toward your funeral.

One option is to talk to your chosen funeral home about planning and paying for your funeral in advance. When you preplan your funeral, you can decide to pay for your plans in advance. You’ll work with the funeral home to make your arrangements, including what services you want to hold, whether you’d like to be buried or cremated, and what type of casket or urn you’d like. After you decide on all these details, you’ll be able to pay for them through the funeral home.

Funeral homes typically offer a variety of payment plans, including the option to pay for your funeral and disposition in full. By making these payments in advance, you’re saving your family from financial strain later on. When you pay in full, you’re guaranteeing that the funeral you plan is the one that your family will be able to hold for you. There will be no need for a GoFundMe after you pass because you already funded your funeral yourself.

GoFundMe has undoubtedly changed how we fund funerals, but the best way to pay for a funeral is always by planning ahead. As you plan your funeral, talk to your funeral director about your options for prepaying for your funeral and disposition. By paying for your funeral ahead of time, you’ll save your family from surprise expenses down the road. If you’re covering the cost of your funeral now, your family won’t need GoFundMe later.

If you’re looking to cover the costs of a funeral for a loved one who did not preplan or prepay, your funeral home may be able to help. Some funeral homes offer a crowdfunding service that functions similarly to GoFundMe. Before making a GoFundMe account, talk to your funeral home about what kinds of crowdfunding services they offer.

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Three Reasons to Preplan Your Funeral When Your Family Doesn’t Live Close

Reason Number One:

The need to make that first call, the one to the funeral home, nearly always catches people unaware and off guard.

Even when a death is clearly coming it is almost always unexpected. “Mom was 96 but we just talked to her on Sunday, and she was fine. Hospice told us it was just a matter of days, but we just stepped out to the store for a few minutes, and he was gone. She was doing so well, we were surprised.”

When a person dies the first order of business is calling a funeral home to come and take the body into their care. When family doesn’t live close, they may not be familiar with the funeral homes in the area. Which funeral home should be called?

Even with all of today’s wonderful ways to connect it can take hours to track down immediate family members. This one is in a meeting, that one is picking up kids at soccer practice, someone is at the gym and has their phone on silent. It can take a while to reach everyone and get them to weigh in on the decision about which funeral home to call. In the meantime, someone waits.

Reason Number Two:

The people who you love and who love you are going to be very busy just getting there. It’s not a good time to be making the big decisions. Burial or cremation, church or not, celebration of life, which minister, what restaurant, wood casket or metal, visitation the day of service or the night before?

Your far-flung family will be trying to book flights, pack suitcases, arrange for the dog to be taken care of, get someone to fill in for carpool, and get time off work. Their minds will be racing. It’s not a good time to make decisions that they will live with forever. Funeral decisions carry a lot of weight. Everyone wants to get it just right. No one wants to wish they had buried mom in her red dress instead of her blue dress for the rest of their life. Just think how much better it would be IF they just had to get there and meet with the funeral director you selected to review the plans you left for them.

Reason Number Three:

Your family needs time to be together. They need each other. They need to remember the stories, look at the pictures, cry together, and hug one another.

The plan you leave for your children, grandchildren, sisters and brothers, and friends is a gift. You give them the gift of time to lean in and realize that they have lost you. This is precious time they have together. There will still be much for them to do but when you have lifted the weight a little, you leave room for them to work together and be creative. They can pull their talents and put their own touches on the framework of the funeral plan you provided for them.

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Is It Bad Luck to Plan Your Funeral in Advance?

Definitely not. In fact, if one were to ask the children and family members of those who planned their funeral in advance how they felt about their family member’s foresight they would no doubt tell you they felt very lucky indeed.

Imagine this: your phone rings or buzzes or sings and you answer or check your messages only to find out someone you care about has died. Maybe they succumbed to a long and difficult illness or perhaps the death was caused by an accident or a sudden unexpected medical event. What happens next? If you are one of the family decision makers, you begin to come together. That coming together can mean a drive across town or it may involve booking a flight. It can mean a series of telephone calls or a Zoom style family meeting. There will be questions that need to be answered and decisions that must be made.

Where did the death occur? Who do you call to transport the body? Where will the body be taken? Which funeral home will be used? When will a service take place? Will there be burial, cremation or something else? Will there be a spiritual component? Who will prepare the death notice? Who will take care of writing the obituary? How much will everything cost and who will pay? How soon will funds be available? There will be many decisions that must be made in a short period of time.

Now, imagine there is a plan in place. Funeral arrangements have been made and paid for in advance, maybe even years before an illness was even known about. Imagine family members knowing exactly who to call, what will happen, how much it will cost and how all the services will be paid for. Luck is with those who prepare. It’s called making your own luck.

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Moving on (Too) Quickly for Others

What does grief look like? You might be thinking now about the five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But what happens when someone goes out of order, skips a step, or doesn’t go through them at all? Although you may think it’s a sign that something is wrong, the truth is that we all experience grief in different ways. And someone may move through grief faster than someone else.

First things first, forget what you know about grief.

In 1969, in her book On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the Kübler-Ross model, which became known as the five stages of grief. And although we typically associate this model with describing how we grieve someone’s death, that’s not actually what it was made for. It’s meant to give structure to how someone comes to terms with being diagnosed with a terminal illness. The five stages of grief were never about grieving a loved one’s death.

However, other studies have tried to apply the model to grieving a loved one, only to find that it doesn’t really work the way that people believe it does. A 1981 study that looked at individuals who had been widowed for various lengths of time found that the pain and stress of widowhood persisted for years, with no subjects falling into particular stages at certain times, as the five stages of grief suggested they would. A 2002 study took a look at people before and after their spouses’ deaths and found that only 11 percent followed the Kübler-Ross model’s trajectory.

So, if the five stages of grief aren’t scientifically accurate, why do we hold onto this idea that there’s a “right” way to grieve? When a daughter loses a father, is she wrong to go back to work the same week? When a husband loses a wife, is he wrong to be on a dating app by the end of the year? Perhaps yes and perhaps no. But these feelings are personal. And although you may imagine that you’d grieve in a certain way if you lost someone close to you, you cannot know what their grief is like.

What should you do if someone you love is moving on “too” quickly?

One thing that should be considered before you try to intervene when you think someone is moving on very quickly is whether or not they are really moving on at all. In the case of a daughter going back to work, she might not be trying to move on. She might simply be looking for a distraction because being at home is too painful. In which case, be kind and don’t remind her of her loss. Be a friend, let her talk to you about her loss if she wants to, and otherwise be someone she can turn to when she needs to take her mind off grief or funeral planning. Although she may look like she’s moving on quickly on the outside, she might still be grieving, just in a different way from your personal grieving process.

But what about a husband who is looking to remarry soon after losing his spouse? Men are significantly more likely to begin dating after being widowed, and they’re more likely to do it sooner as well. After 25 months following the loss of a spouse, 61 percent of men are in a new relationship, compared to just 19 percent of women. So, do most men then move on too quickly? Regardless of gender, people who remarry after their spouse’s death report lower levels of depression and greater life satisfaction and well-being than those who don’t. But because men are more likely to have fewer friends than women, husbands often rely on their wives as their primary source of emotional and social support. When a wife dies, a husband may suddenly feel cut off from those crucial outlets, which propels him into the dating world sooner than a woman who lost her husband.

Should you intervene if someone you love is looking for love after losing their spouse? If you’re very close, you may consider voicing your concerns, but keep in mind what they gain in their life by remarrying. The thing about moving on is that it’s taking steps to keep living. It doesn’t mean that there’s no grief remaining. A person who loses a spouse needs to learn to live without them, but they still will miss their presence. And if that person remarries, it doesn’t mean that they’re replacing their spouses, nor are they trying to forget their spouse and all the memories they made together. They’re just searching for more fulfillment in their lives, and for many people, that includes learning to love again.

Ultimately, only one person can decide if they’re ready to move on, and that’s the person who lost their loved one. If you think you’re ready to move on in terms of dating again, it’s important to ask yourself if you feel prepared for this new change. Can you let someone else into your life? Can you love your new partner the way they deserve to be loved? If you know wholeheartedly that you can, you’re ready. But no one else can answer those questions but you. And if you’re seeing someone you love move on in a way that you don’t think you could or would, remember that you’re not the one who experienced their grief. Only they know what their grief is like and whether they’re ready to move on. All you can do is be there for them as they try to make this new transition in their life.