Blog | Sytsema Funeral & Cremation Services

Nice Looking Funeral Home Doesn’t Mean Expensive

It’s not unusual for your local hometown funeral home to look better than your own home. However, that neatly mowed lawn and manicured landscape doesn’t mean expensive or out of reach. What it does mean is the people who work there pay attention to details, they care about the quality of their work, and they care about you.

A neat and tidy environment calms the mind. According to a 2011 Princeton study, “While our brains are perhaps the most complex structures in the universe, capable of doing amazing things, they’re also easily overwhelmed. A cluttered environment makes it more difficult to focus on a specific task.” That said, anyone who has ever experienced the death of a close family member or friend knows loss makes it difficult to think straight. The funeral home provides what mourners need, even if they don’t know they need it. You are offered an orderly, calming environment in which to wrestle with the impact of the death of the one you loved.

The funeral home is always company ready. The furniture is pleasant to look at and comfortable to sit in. It is free of pet hair. The carpets are vacuumed, sometimes in neat rows with military precision. All of this is provided so you don’t need to worry if your home is ready to receive guests. The funeral home is your place to receive your friends and family. A burden is lifted from the family when they know they have the support of the staff and a neat and tidy place to receive their friends without having to lift a finger.

How the public spaces look reflect how carefully and respectfully the funeral directors and staff care for your deceased family member. The staff is equally obsessed with the paperwork that needs to be completed, the clergy person has what they need to provide the service, the cars and drivers are escorted safely to the church or grave-site and the deceased is presentable. The great attention to detail the funeral home staff provides translates to comfort and peace of mind for the family members.

So, don’t be put off or intimidated by the lovely décor and neatness of your local funeral home. It’s all a part of the service.

www.sytsemafh.com

Cemeteries – A final resting place

If you are of a certain age you may have grown up as a “free range child”. Children born after the second world war, mid-century modern kids, were very likely to participate in unorganized free play. Meaning, they roamed a geographic territory, outlined by their parents, unfettered. They played with other neighbor children until the dads came home or the bell was rung or some other prearranged signal that meant it was time to go home and wash up for dinner.

This free-range system left the door wide open for children to have all kinds of adventures. Arm and arm with a best friend, a cousin, or a brother or sister, they creek walked, caught tadpoles, made clover chains, left pennies to flatten on the railroad tracks and … they walked the cemetery.

If you were one of these kids, you knew the spell of the cemetery. Maybe you remember it still? Cool shade from tall trees. A feeling of calm reverence. As you walked the rows you avoided stepping on the graves. Inspecting the head stones, you looked for the person who lived the longest. You may also have been surprised to find the marker of a child who died at about your age. A beloved wife, mother of six, a loving husband, people who served in the armed forces, touching the carvings on the markers you understood the value of their life. As a child you could feel the presence of the souls. The cemetery was a mysterious, yet comforting place.

A cemetery is still a very special place. It is a final resting place. Knowing that a family member is buried in a peaceful and serene location brings comfort to family members. It’s nice to have a place to sit quietly and remember a mother, father, husband, wife, family member or a friend. Visiting the grave of a loved one feels like getting a hug.

Today, somewhere in the neighborhood of one half of Americans choose full body burial as their final disposition. In addition, many others who prefer to be cremated choose to have their ashes buried or placed in a mausoleum at the cemetery. Tucking a deceased loved one into a safe and serene green space gives family members a sense of security. Family members may live close by or at a great distance, they may move hither and yon, but they always know where the one they loved is resting.

As you plan for your own funeral, final disposition, and where you will rest, talk with your funeral director or advance funeral planning professional about options the cemetery offers. Maybe “old fashioned” and traditional is the perfect fit for you and those you love?

www.sytsemafh.com

Saying Thank-You to a Veteran

There are a million ways to say thank you. Great or small they all have value.

Decide to always just say thank you whenever you see a person in uniform.
When you see a person in uniform at the coffee shop or fast food restaurant pick up their tab if you can.
At the airport trade your first class or comfort seat for their standard seat
If you have a neighbor who is deployed offer to play catch with the kids or mow the lawn. Ask how you can help
Send a care package by contacting Operation Gratitude
Donate your old cell phone
Drive a Veteran to their doctor appointments (contact the hospital services coordinator at the local VA hospital)
Write a letter
Volunteer at a VA hospital
If you run a business hire a veteran – Hire Heroes USA
Donate dollars or time to train service dogs for veterans – Patriot Paws or Puppy Jake Foundation
Build a house for a veteran – Building Homes for Heroes

Big dollars or only a few dollars, lots of time or only a little time, where there is a will there is a way to say thank you to those who serve in our military.

www.sytsemafh.com

Five Tips to Help You Stop Procrastinating About Planning Your Funeral

Set a Deadline

I’ll get this done … before my birthday, before we travel, before school starts, or taxes are due. It doesn’t matter when, just set a target. It only matters that you do have a deadline, especially if you are a habitual procrastinator.

Get In Touch with Your “WHY”

Something made you realize you wanted to get your funeral plan in place. Maybe you had to plan a funeral for someone you cared about? Or, perhaps, you have a family dynamic that makes you see the value of leaving instruction? Maybe you saw a friend struggle when their spouse died? Whatever it was, write it out, be sure to state your why in positive terms. Instead of “I should,” or, “I need to” tap into that deep motivation. “I want to make my passing is as easy as possible for my wife, daughter, husband.” Post your motivation/why on your fridge.

Call the Funeral Home and Make an Appointment

Funeral homes have a funeral professional who can help you. Make an appointment. Put it on the calendar and sit back and relax.

Tell Someone

Share your good news with someone. Tell them when, where, and why you are going to plan your funeral. Maybe ask them to go with you to the appointment if that feels right to you. At the very least ask them to hold you accountable by checking in the day after your planning session to see how it all went.

Be Honest with Yourself

As the deadline you set or the date of the appointment you made draws near dismiss those second thoughts.

You’ll never be in the mood
You do have time. You are talking about two hours, that’s all
Planning won’t kill you and not planning won’t keep you alive forever

We are all grapes becoming raisins there is no getting around it, and it’s not sad. Raisins are more resilient than grapes and they are sweeter too!

www.sytsemafh.com

Writing the Thank You Notes

Writing thank you notes is usually one of the very first “after the funeral” tasks you will undertake. You may be surprised to find that your brain/hand coordination is not working so well. You sit there with pen in hand and well-formed thoughts in your head, but somehow it all gets lost between the head and the paper. Don’t despair. This is normal and it’s all part of the grief journey. You are not thinking straight now, but you will again soon.

First, let’s tackle who gets a “thank you” and then I can give you a few wordy ideas to help you get started. Anyone who made a donation or sent flowers should get a thank you note from a family member. You will also want to send a note to people who helped. Maybe they provided food or took care of the dog for you or picked up people at the airport. All of those folks should receive a note of thanks. You do not need to send notes to people who sent condolence cards, emails, or texts.

Your words can be brief. No one expects a long letter from you at this time. It is just nice to know that the flowers arrived, or the donation was received. Your kind friends just need to hear thank you.

Thank you for all your kindness ….

Your help meant so much to us….

We all loved the broccoli, thank you for taking care of us ….

Your flowers were so beautiful and such a comfort to us ….

For some, these are written the day after the funeral. Everyone sits around the kitchen table to write the thank you notes and everyone laughs as more than a few notes are torn and tossed in the trash. This may be the first laughter heard in several days.