Blog | Sytsema Funeral & Cremation Services

Cemeteries – A final resting place

If you are of a certain age you may have grown up as a “free range child”. Children born after the second world war, mid-century modern kids, were very likely to participate in unorganized free play. Meaning, they roamed a geographic territory, outlined by their parents, unfettered. They played with other neighbor children until the dads came home or the bell was rung or some other prearranged signal that meant it was time to go home and wash up for dinner.

This free-range system left the door wide open for children to have all kinds of adventures. Arm and arm with a best friend, a cousin, or a brother or sister, they creek walked, caught tadpoles, made clover chains, left pennies to flatten on the railroad tracks and … they walked the cemetery.

If you were one of these kids, you knew the spell of the cemetery. Maybe you remember it still? Cool shade from tall trees. A feeling of calm reverence. As you walked the rows you avoided stepping on the graves. Inspecting the head stones, you looked for the person who lived the longest. You may also have been surprised to find the marker of a child who died at about your age. A beloved wife, mother of six, a loving husband, people who served in the armed forces, touching the carvings on the markers you understood the value of their life. As a child you could feel the presence of the souls. The cemetery was a mysterious, yet comforting place.

A cemetery is still a very special place. It is a final resting place. Knowing that a family member is buried in a peaceful and serene location brings comfort to family members. It’s nice to have a place to sit quietly and remember a mother, father, husband, wife, family member or a friend. Visiting the grave of a loved one feels like getting a hug.

Today, somewhere in the neighborhood of one half of Americans choose full body burial as their final disposition. In addition, many others who prefer to be cremated choose to have their ashes buried or placed in a mausoleum at the cemetery. Tucking a deceased loved one into a safe and serene green space gives family members a sense of security. Family members may live close by or at a great distance, they may move hither and yon, but they always know where the one they loved is resting.

As you plan for your own funeral, final disposition, and where you will rest, talk with your funeral director or advance funeral planning professional about options the cemetery offers. Maybe “old fashioned” and traditional is the perfect fit for you and those you love?

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Saying Thank-You to a Veteran

There are a million ways to say thank you. Great or small they all have value.

Decide to always just say thank you whenever you see a person in uniform.
When you see a person in uniform at the coffee shop or fast food restaurant pick up their tab if you can.
At the airport trade your first class or comfort seat for their standard seat
If you have a neighbor who is deployed offer to play catch with the kids or mow the lawn. Ask how you can help
Send a care package by contacting Operation Gratitude
Donate your old cell phone
Drive a Veteran to their doctor appointments (contact the hospital services coordinator at the local VA hospital)
Write a letter
Volunteer at a VA hospital
If you run a business hire a veteran – Hire Heroes USA
Donate dollars or time to train service dogs for veterans – Patriot Paws or Puppy Jake Foundation
Build a house for a veteran – Building Homes for Heroes

Big dollars or only a few dollars, lots of time or only a little time, where there is a will there is a way to say thank you to those who serve in our military.

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Five Tips to Help You Stop Procrastinating About Planning Your Funeral

Set a Deadline

I’ll get this done … before my birthday, before we travel, before school starts, or taxes are due. It doesn’t matter when, just set a target. It only matters that you do have a deadline, especially if you are a habitual procrastinator.

Get In Touch with Your “WHY”

Something made you realize you wanted to get your funeral plan in place. Maybe you had to plan a funeral for someone you cared about? Or, perhaps, you have a family dynamic that makes you see the value of leaving instruction? Maybe you saw a friend struggle when their spouse died? Whatever it was, write it out, be sure to state your why in positive terms. Instead of “I should,” or, “I need to” tap into that deep motivation. “I want to make my passing is as easy as possible for my wife, daughter, husband.” Post your motivation/why on your fridge.

Call the Funeral Home and Make an Appointment

Funeral homes have a funeral professional who can help you. Make an appointment. Put it on the calendar and sit back and relax.

Tell Someone

Share your good news with someone. Tell them when, where, and why you are going to plan your funeral. Maybe ask them to go with you to the appointment if that feels right to you. At the very least ask them to hold you accountable by checking in the day after your planning session to see how it all went.

Be Honest with Yourself

As the deadline you set or the date of the appointment you made draws near dismiss those second thoughts.

You’ll never be in the mood
You do have time. You are talking about two hours, that’s all
Planning won’t kill you and not planning won’t keep you alive forever

We are all grapes becoming raisins there is no getting around it, and it’s not sad. Raisins are more resilient than grapes and they are sweeter too!

www.sytsemafh.com

Writing the Thank You Notes

Writing thank you notes is usually one of the very first “after the funeral” tasks you will undertake. You may be surprised to find that your brain/hand coordination is not working so well. You sit there with pen in hand and well-formed thoughts in your head, but somehow it all gets lost between the head and the paper. Don’t despair. This is normal and it’s all part of the grief journey. You are not thinking straight now, but you will again soon.

First, let’s tackle who gets a “thank you” and then I can give you a few wordy ideas to help you get started. Anyone who made a donation or sent flowers should get a thank you note from a family member. You will also want to send a note to people who helped. Maybe they provided food or took care of the dog for you or picked up people at the airport. All of those folks should receive a note of thanks. You do not need to send notes to people who sent condolence cards, emails, or texts.

Your words can be brief. No one expects a long letter from you at this time. It is just nice to know that the flowers arrived, or the donation was received. Your kind friends just need to hear thank you.

Thank you for all your kindness ….

Your help meant so much to us….

We all loved the broccoli, thank you for taking care of us ….

Your flowers were so beautiful and such a comfort to us ….

For some, these are written the day after the funeral. Everyone sits around the kitchen table to write the thank you notes and everyone laughs as more than a few notes are torn and tossed in the trash. This may be the first laughter heard in several days.

www.sytsemafh.com

Cremation Society or Funeral Home

Cremation, like electric cars and cell phones is here to stay. For some people cremation is part of their religious practice. For other people, cremation just feels right for them. The big question is who should help you with your cremation, a society or a funeral director?

Cremation Societies specialize in what is called a direct cremation. Direct cremation means the society will remove the deceased from the place of death and take the body directly to their crematory where the cremation process will take place. Following cremation, the ashes are returned to the family in a bag or box. It’s all pretty quick. The cost is quite low for direct cremation.

But something is missing.

How do we feel when a family member dies? What helps? Death is a loss. It is hard to describe how loss feels, but it is something like a void, a vacuum, or an energy shift. You see something close when you watch victims of the California wild fires or a tornado on television. You see that dazed and stunned look on their faces. That is loss. There they stand looking at a pile of rubble that was their home … and now it is gone. That look is about loss of a building. Loss of a person, someone you love, is so much more. It hurts your heart.

Funeral directors are trained and specialize in taking care of the deceased AND in taking care of the family of the deceased. They know people need more. They are going to encourage you to slow down a little and give the family a little time for the reality of the loss to sink in. Give a little time for the family to consider what they need to do to begin to heal.

Funeral directors specialize in helping families put together a gathering to honor the one who died. They know that being with those you love and who love you helps. They know words, as a part of a religious, spiritual, or life celebration ceremony help. Funerals are the funeral director’s specialty. They have done this many times with many families. Funeral directors are the experts.

Of course, the funeral home will help you with a direct cremation if that is what your family prefers. To be fair, cremation societies will also add on some service options at the family’s request. As you add services the cost increases. It is important to look for value.

The funeral home is staffed by licensed trained funeral directors and serves families from a clean, company ready facility with plenty of parking and is a good value. Do your homework. Where will cremation take place? If your family wants service where will the service take place? If you add service and products what is the difference in price? How important is cost over expertise? Share your budget with the funeral director at your funeral home. Don’t assume you need to sacrifice ceremony for savings.