Category: Funeral

A husband and father of four dies suddenly. He languishes in the morgue at the coroner’s office for weeks because no one knows what to do and no one is empowered to act. The only thing the kids and grandchildren can agree on is that their father did not want to spend a lot of money on a funeral.

It is just downright crazy the things folks will do to work around the funeral home when a family member dies. Let’s get real about the widespread and totally unreasonable fear of working with a funeral director. The origin of the fear is the belief that funerals cost too much. Let’s take a look at the reality.

Funeral directors are educated professionals. Like doctors and lawyers, they meet rigorous state requirements in order to be licensed to practice. Funeral directors do expect to be paid for the work they do. However, unlike doctors and lawyers, funeral directors do not typically charge for a consultation. Which means a family can talk with a director about options and cost before they make a commitment to actually have the funeral home provide services. 

A person should not expect this is something one should do on the fly over the phone. That is just unreasonable. You would not expect to call Macy’s and ask how much a pair of shoes will cost. Everyone knows it is not that simple. You are going to need to provide more information about the kind of shoe you need to get an accurate cost. In the same way there are literally hundreds of possible combinations of funeral services and products. The cost depends on what your family wants and needs.

So instead, call the funeral home and ask for an appointment with a funeral director to learn about options for service and cost. When you sit down with the director you will be presented with a general price list. This list will detail all the services and costs. What could be more up front than that? What other professional group will provide you with that kind of information?

Be prepared to share both your budget and what is important to your family. Please, do not let unreasonable fear keep you from getting the professional help your family needs when someone they love has died. 

www.sytsemafh.com

Maybe you’ve said it, or thought it? “I don’t need a funeral. You can just bury me in the backyard”. That’s the male version of negating the need for a funeral. But the sentiment is not unique to men. Women just say it differently. “I don’t want you to make a fuss. I don’t need a funeral.” These folks are right. The person who died doesn’t need a funeral. They just need a legal, respectful disposal of their body. It’s the people who are left to do the work of grieving that need the support and community from a funeral.

Princess Diana, Michael Jackson, Aretha Franklin, John McCain, and most recently Kobe Bryant, didn’t need the memorials, teddy bears, or flowers. We needed them. We need to be a part of acknowledging the loss. We find comfort in being able to be a part of the service that honors their lives even when our part is just being an observer via television. We are comforted, in some measure, just by being able to observe.

It is human nature to seek community in times of trouble and in times of joy. People are pack animals. We don’t live in isolation. We touch the lives of others. We celebrate birth with family and friends. We celebrate the coming together of two people in marriage as a group. We hold each other’s hand in times of tragedy. When we express our caring feelings, it is not weakness. It’s our strength. We are human beings, we care.

Having the opportunity to express our feelings is not expected to “cure” our grief.  Coming together does not provide closure. The door never really closes on the love one human being has for another. Coming together, expressing our feelings in the presence of our community, are steps in the healing process. Being able to express our feelings in a safe, accepting environment provides some measure of healing.

Grief in the early days is raw. As time passes it softens. The hard edges become rounded and we begin to find the joy we had with the one we loved in our memories.  Grief is hard work. It’s a journey.

Why should anyone have to begin this journey alone?

www.sytsemafh.com

What happens during the embalming process?

What are the benefits of embalming?

What are the options if I do not want my loved one embalmed?

Embalming takes place in a designated area of the funeral home. This space is off-limits to all but the professional staff members. Similar to a surgical suite in a hospital, the embalming room is built and furnished with hard surfaces, like tile, stainless steel, or concrete.  These materials are easily cleaned and nonabsorbent. The embalming room is very clean and is designed and maintained like a medical procedure room.

During the embalming process, the deceased is placed on a hospital-style gurney or embalming table. Throughout the process, the body is treated with the upmost respect and dignity. It is covered except when it is necessary to expose a part in order to complete the procedure.  Funeral directors are very aware that the body was home to the spirit of a valued family member, and it is treated accordingly.

During the embalming process the body is cleansed, body fluids are replaced with embalming fluids, features are set, and make up is applied to create a more natural appearance. In some cases, restoration is needed. Restoration is used to “repair” the body when an accident, violence, or disease has caused the body damage. Finally, the body is dressed.

Embalming is an ancient process that goes back to the time before Christ.  It has been updated over time to use fewer and less toxic chemicals. It is a form of preserving the body. In America embalming came into regular practice during the civil war. An embalmed body could be preserved and transported back to the soldier’s home so that the family could say their goodbyes. Today, embalming is required by law in some states when the body is going to be transported across state lines. Embalming is required by most funeral homes when a visitation with the body present will be part of the service.

Dying is often very hard on the body. Body mass is lost, pain and suffering make their mark on the facial features. Efforts to keep the dying person alive or comfortable, bruise the body.  Embalming provides the benefit of rolling back the clock and giving friends and family an opportunity to say their farewells to someone who looks more like the person they remember.  For most people, the final expression they see on a loved one’s face sticks with them and is a lasting memory.

For those who prefer not to embalm, but still have family members who would like to have a private family viewing, other options are available. The family just needs to talk to their funeral director. Refrigeration can be used to slow down decomposition and can be a good alternative when religion or family custom eliminate the option of embalming.

The cost of embalming varies from one part of the country to the next. A family should not eliminate embalming for cost reasons alone. Talk to your funeral director. Always share both your family’s wants and needs as well as your budget with the funeral director. You may be surprised to find out embalming is less expensive than you expected.

www.sytsemafh.com