Category: Funeral Service

If you are like most Americans you are probably shopping local, but maybe you have not stopped to think about why you are drawn to working with local businesses.

Researchers tell us local businesses are more likely to utilize other local businesses, making our communities stronger. For every $100 you spend at a local business $68 will stay in the community. Locally owned independent businesses return more than three time as much money to the community in which they operate than chain competitors. Locally, family owned funeral homes hire local, use other locally owned businesses when they need service, and contribute to the community.

All of that is important. However, when a family member dies, few of the reasons discussed above are likely to come into play as you pick up the phone to call a funeral home. There is one reason that is top of mind in that situation, and it does matter. It is there right in front of you even if you are not fully aware. When something is important, like how your family experiences the death of a beloved family member, we all seek accountability. We want a provider who is connected to us. When it is something important, we want someone who cares about how they do their job. We want someone who will see us at church or at the ball field. We want to use a funeral provider that is accountable to the community.

It is the reason we like the locally owned appliance store over the big box store. Our local store cares if the microwave works. If it does not work, they will fix it. It is the same reason we like to shop at the local farmer’s market. The big chain supermarket might hide the old soft berries at the bottom of the basket. The farmer, who is your neighbor, will not. When a service provider is your neighbor, they are accountable for their work. You know where and how to reach them to tell them they did a good job, or where they did not meet your expectations. We all know full well accountability is hard to get from the big guys. Just take a moment to think back to that last call you made to your cable or internet provider. How long were you on hold? Accountability is the reason we choose locally-owned whenever we can.

A family-owned funeral home is connected to the community and answers to that community. The funeral director’s children go to school with your children. They know you and understand your needs. If you are fortunate enough to have a family-owned funeral home in your community, place your trust in them when the need arises.

 

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Even if you live in a small town, you are likely to be presented with more than one choice when you google funeral home near me. The search will provide you with contact information, location, and perhaps a link to websites of the funeral homes near your immediate location. The search is a useful first step, but most people need more to help them decide which funeral home to use. The eight steps below should get you started on solid footing.

 

1. Check with family members to find out if your ill or deceased family member has a prearrangement on file with any one of the local funeral homes. If your family member has taken this step in advance, everything just got easier. You’ll not only know exactly who to call but you’ll also know just what needs to be done.

 

2. When there is no advance plan the first thing you will need to do is to pull together the decision makers. Who in the family is going to take the lead in making the funeral arrangements? Often, but not always, this will be the person who will be financially responsible. Who in the family has been the caregiver? Which family members have strong opinions about what should take place?

 

3. Bring your group together. Talk about what your family will expect or want in the funeral service. Is your family large or small? Was the deceased well known in the community? Does one funeral home stand out over another as being able to accommodate the number of people who will likely attend the funeral?

 

4. Which funeral home has your family worked with in the past? Have you been pleased with the services provided? When there is no history with a funeral provider in the community you may want to ask trusted friends or your clergy person for a recommendation.

 

5. Give some thought to what your family will want or need to support the service desired. In addition to knowing if there will be a burial or cremation or a service before or after either of these forms of disposition, you’ll want to think about space, specialized equipment such as screens, microphones, audio/visual, even parking can be a deciding factor in which local funeral home to use.

 

6. Once you have a general idea of what you want, you can begin to call the funeral providers you are considering. Tell the person who answers the phone your situation, “We have a family member in the last stages of life,” or “We have a family member who has just died.” Tell the person what you want to know. “We would like to _____. How will you help us with this if we decide to use your funeral home?” If cost will play a part your decision-making process, ask for information. The most useful information regarding cost is a price range rather than the least expensive. You and your family will have preferences. One family may value the vault over the casket. Funeral service is flexible in order to meet each individual family’s needs. Basing the decision of which funeral home to use on the cost of one aspect of the service may lead to lost opportunity and may not even be the most cost effective in the end.

 

7. Ask for a personal visit, schedule some time with a funeral director. Tour the facility. Ask for a general price list. Go over it with the funeral director, ask questions. You will be best equipped to decide which product and service options best suit your family when you have all the information you need.

 

8. Finally, take a deep breath. Allow yourselves enough time to get it right. Funerals are emotional. They leave lasting impressions. Be considerate of the people you love. A funeral that focuses on healing the hearts of those left behind brings families together.

 

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If you are of a certain age you may have grown up as a “free range child”. Children born after the second world war, mid-century modern kids, were very likely to participate in unorganized free play. Meaning, they roamed a geographic territory, outlined by their parents, unfettered. They played with other neighbor children until the dads came home or the bell was rung or some other prearranged signal that meant it was time to go home and wash up for dinner.

 

This free-range system left the door wide open for children to have all kinds of adventures. Arm and arm with a best friend, a cousin, or a brother or sister, they creek walked, caught tadpoles, made clover chains, left pennies to flatten on the railroad tracks and … they walked the cemetery.

 

If you were one of these kids, you knew the spell of the cemetery. Maybe you remember it still? Cool shade from tall trees. A feeling of calm reverence. As you walked the rows you avoided stepping on the graves. Inspecting the head stones, you looked for the person who lived the longest. You may also have been surprised to find the marker of a child who died at about your age. A beloved wife, mother of six, a loving husband, people who served in the armed forces, touching the carvings on the markers you understood the value of their life. As a child you could feel the presence of the souls. The cemetery was a mysterious, yet comforting place.

 

A cemetery is still a very special place. It is a final resting place. Knowing that a family member is buried in a peaceful and serene location brings comfort to family members. It’s nice to have a place to sit quietly and remember a mother, father, husband, wife, family member or a friend. Visiting the grave of a loved one feels like getting a hug.

 

Today, somewhere in the neighborhood of one half of Americans choose full body burial as their final disposition. In addition, many others who prefer to be cremated choose to have their ashes buried or placed in a mausoleum at the cemetery. Tucking a deceased loved one into a safe and serene green space gives family members a sense of security. Family members may live close by or at a great distance, they may move hither and yon, but they always know where the one they loved is resting.

 

As you plan for your own funeral, final disposition, and where you will rest, talk with your funeral director or advance funeral planning professional about options the cemetery offers. Maybe “old fashioned” and traditional is the perfect fit for you and those you love?

 

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Writing thank you notes is usually one of the very first “after the funeral” tasks you will undertake. You may be surprised to find that your brain/hand coordination is not working so well. You sit there with pen in hand and well-formed thoughts in your head, but somehow it all gets lost between the head and the paper. Don’t despair. This is normal and it’s all part of the grief journey. You are not thinking straight now, but you will again soon.

First, let’s tackle who gets a “thank you” and then I can give you a few wordy ideas to help you get started. Anyone who made a donation or sent flowers should get a thank you note from a family member. You will also want to send a note to people who helped. Maybe they provided food or took care of the dog for you or picked up people at the airport. All of those folks should receive a note of thanks. You do not need to send notes to people who sent condolence cards, emails, or texts.

Your words can be brief. No one expects a long letter from you at this time. It is just nice to know that the flowers arrived, or the donation was received. Your kind friends just need to hear thank you.

Thank you for all your kindness …. 

Your help meant so much to us….

We all loved the broccoli, thank you for taking care of us ….

Your flowers were so beautiful and such a comfort to us ….

For some, these are written the day after the funeral. Everyone sits around the kitchen table to write the thank you notes and everyone laughs as more than a few notes are torn and tossed in the trash. This may be the first laughter heard in several days.

 

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