Sytsema Funeral Home, Author at Blog | Sytsema Funeral & Cremation Services

Social Distancing, Weddings and Funerals

Does it take losing something to make us see its real value? Suddenly we find ourselves in a world where weddings and funerals may not happen. Just a few weeks ago people might have questioned the need for these kinds of gatherings. Now, we begin to feel what we have lost. Albeit a temporary loss, something we must do for now, perhaps a takeaway is a clearer understanding of how important our social rituals really are.

A wedding is much more than the party and the white dress. It’s really about witnessing two people making a commitment. It’s the vows. When two people look at each other, with love in their eyes, and vow to walk through life together through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death parts them. That is a wedding. That is important. A party can be held to celebrate the union any time. It’s the vows that make it a wedding and having family and friends witness those vows means something.

In the same way a funeral has a moment. A life can be celebrated weeks or even months after a death. However, when a person close to us dies the immediate response is numbness and disbelief. A funeral fills the important need we have to come together and share. At the funeral we understand the death is real and we do that in the comfort of community with family and friends. Funerals help.

For now, our gatherings may be curtailed. We will do what must be done to deal with a very real and very scary threat. Weddings may be postponed, and we will comfort those who experience a loss as best we can.

www.sytsemafh.com

Age-Associated Financial Vulnerability

Read this blog even though you don’t want to. Especially if you or your parent is over 65 or living alone. Age Associated Financial Vulnerability is a real thing and it affects intelligent independent people. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau puts the cost of elder financial exploitation as high as $36 billion a year.

If you are or you know anyone over 65 you know about the exploitation part. Those calls that come many, many times a day and at increasingly unorthodox hours of the day. Why are older Americans targeted? Because they hold a large percentage of the wealth. Some estimates have the over age 50 population holding as high as 83% of America’s wealth. And as we age, we become more vulnerable. It’s as simple as that.

If you think you are not a likely candidate for fraud, think again. Victims are not who you think they are. They are high functioning seniors and often test as “normal “on cognitive function assessments. It’s complicated. You can check out the report Brains and Losses at marketplace.org. It has to do with changes in our brains as we age. How we process information when we are in emotional state. That includes being angry (at the caller) being scared or just being a nice person. Scammers know how to exploit our emotions.

Bottom line, living alone increases susceptibility because, when you are alone you don’t have that close contact to hash over a call or contact you receive. Prevention is the key. If you are living alone, open-up to someone you trust. If you have a parent or relative living alone check in on them regularly. Don’t judge. Make yourself available. Ask your parent what they know about scams. Teach your parent how to screen calls.

Being susceptible does not mean an older person needs to go to a nursing home or lose independence. It does mean both the aging and those who love an older person need to be on their toes, maintain close contact, and have open conversations.

Some ideas about setting hard and fast lines of defense will follow in a later blog at this site.

www.sytsemafh.com

How to personalize a funeral

A “personalized” funeral is not just for the rich and famous. When someone we love dies, we want to remember that person. We want to celebrate the life that was lived. A life story does not have to have a dramatic plot twist or culminate in fame and riches to be worthy of remembrance.

So, how does one go about putting together a life celebration?

Pictures are a great place to begin. Look for pictures that span their lifetime, show their personality, celebrate their relationships and friends, put them in the context of their work, hobbies, or passions. Most funeral homes now have equipment to create a video that can be shown in a loop on a television or larger screen. It is also relatively inexpensive to get photographs of those milestone moments made large. Ask your funeral director how these can be displayed at the funeral. They can also direct you to local retailers who will be able to assist photographs.

Consider integrating pictures with the eulogy. For example, the eulogist might share stories about the childhood years of the person who died while childhood pictures are shown in the background. Don’t be shy about asking the funeral director for what you envision. Maybe you would like two different video tributes. One might showcase family life and one sports, hobbies or special interests. Just ask, funeral directors want the service to be meaningful for the family and friends. They are there to help you honor your loved one.

Music can also be a great background and can be integrated into the service. Nearly every family has someone who can put together a play list. Choose musical favorites of the deceased. There are also many songs that relate to death or loss in every musical genre from country to classical. Be sure to check with your funeral director to make sure the format for the music you would like to use is compatible with the funeral home’s equipment.

There really is no end to the ways you can express the personality and interests of the person you loved and lost. Talk about your ideas with the key people in your family before you attend the arrangement conference with your funeral director. Then just ask away. Can we bring the dog? Can we bring in some of Mom’s artwork? Can we give everyone a golf ball? Just ask you might be surprised to find your funeral director has some helpful ideas for a fitting farewell.

www.sytsemafh.com

Embalming … What Funeral Directors Do

What is embalming?

Embalming is the art of slowing the decomposition of the human body. The embalming process is carried out in a clean environment, and proceeds in a fashion similar to medical procedures.

First, the body is washed and sanitized, and the limbs are massaged to remove stiffness. The facial features are then set, eyes closed, and jaw fixed in a pleasant expression. The body’s own arterial system is used to replace blood with embalming fluid. The abdominal cavity is drained of fluid and gas and embalming fluid is injected into the organs. Once the body is prepared, the hair is washed and arranged, cosmetics are applied, and the body is dressed.

Why embalm?

We embalm because we are humans and it is human nature to want to see the person who died. “Seeing is believing” is often said and certainly true, especially when death is sudden or unexpected. We humans have a basic need to see in order to accept the reality of the death. Most people want and need time for a final goodbye. Embalming improves that experience and makes the body presentable.

Have we always embalmed?

Evidence has been found that as long ago as 5000 to 6000 BC, the Chinchorro culture of Chile and Peru practiced embalming. Ancient Egyptians believed the soul would return to the body, but only if it could recognize the body it belonged to. They developed complex rites and rituals surrounding mummification, a form of embalming. Embalming was also practiced by Aztec, Mayan, Ethiopian and Tibetan cultures. Xin Zhui, a Chinese noble woman who died 160 BC, was meticulously embalmed and her body is still recognizable today.

Embalming in America began during the Civil War. Hundreds of thousands of men were dying far from home and their families. Dr. Thomas Holmes was commissioned by the Army Medical Corp to embalm the bodies of Union officers so they could be returned home for their wives and mothers to gaze upon them one last time. Holmes embalmed more than 4,000 soldiers during the Civil War.

Is embalming required by law?

No law requires a body to be embalmed. However, most funeral homes require embalming with some service options. Your funeral director will be pleased to discuss all options with you. Today, embalming is standard practice in Canada and the United States.

www.sytsemafh.com

When the soul leaves the body … reacting to a sudden unexpected death

Sometimes, if you are open to it, you can receive amazing information in the most unlikely ways. For example, there was a driver who was taking a woman to the airport when she received the news that a family member had died. The woman gasped and her driver, who was from another culture, asked if she was okay. Normally she would just say “I am fine” because she is a private person. On this particular occasion, however, she shared her situation with this driver. Upon hearing the news, this gentleman shared his cultural belief and at that moment…it was exactly what she needed to hear.

He said, “When the soul leaves the body, it can take a long time or it can happen very quickly. No matter how, it is painful. It is painful for the one who is dying, and it is painful for those who are left behind. The separation of the soul from the body, that is the ending of life. That is death. No matter how it happens, there is pain.”

When death is sudden and totally unexpected, you may find that you and your family members react in ways that seem strange and unfamiliar. You get the call. Something terrible has happened. Someone has died. You are stunned.

As you begin to process the news, you may experience a strong pull to see where it happened. This is a normal response. Before you can accept the reality of the death you may have to see.

Seeing a loved one after their passing is not an easy thing to do, but it is necessary for many. If you feel you need to see, honor your need. The funeral director understands this need and can help you. Even if your mother always said, “I don’t want people to see me after I die”, she probably didn’t understand back then how her passing would affect you now. Talk to the funeral director and he or she will help you honor your mother’s wishes and satisfy your need as well.

In addition to accepting the reality that a death has occurred, those who experience a sudden loss also have the burden of working out how the death happened and why it happened. Many questions will go through their mind:

Who didn’t do what they needed to do to prevent the awful reality?
Who is accountable? Is it, me? Did I miss something?
Should there be a law?
Why? Why? Why?

This is a normal. Be patient with your family members as each of you must work through this in your own personal way. When the soul leaves the body it is always painful, but when it happens suddenly and unexpectedly, there are additional burdens to work through.